Name the actual impact
Separate the behaviour from its effects. Lost sleep, withdrawal from intimacy, hidden spending or a broken agreement can be discussed directly. Labels such as “disgusting” or “addict” usually make honesty and problem-solving harder.
Have a contained conversation
Choose a time when neither person is in crisis. Describe what happened, how it affected you and what you need next. The person changing the pattern should take responsibility without making promises they cannot yet keep.
Avoid demanding graphic details that will not improve safety or decision-making.
Boundaries are not surveillance
A boundary states what you will do to protect your wellbeing. An agreement states what both people consent to. Constant device searches, location tracking or forced confession may create coercion and rarely builds durable trust.
Temporary transparency can be mutually chosen, time-limited and reviewed, ideally with professional support.
Repair takes repeated evidence
Trust returns through consistent behaviour: following agreed limits, disclosing setbacks promptly, protecting shared money and time, and attending support when promised. Couples counselling or sex therapy can help if both people feel safe participating.